Maple Leafs Sues League Script Writers

By -
In a move sending shockwaves through the hockey world, the Toronto Maple Leafs have announced that they are suing the NHL script writers for being written out of the playoffs once again. The team, which has a long history of disappointing playoff performances, claims that the writers are to blame for their lack of on-ice success.

"We've had enough of this," said Maple Leafs star Auston Matthews in a press conference on Tuesday. "Every year it's the same thing - we work hard all season, we make it to the playoffs, and then we get written out in the first round. It's like the writers have it in for us." 
The Maple Leafs are being represented by
Sam Lafferty, who holds a Bachelor of
Aquatic Law from Brown University

The Maple Leafs' lawsuit, which was filed in a Toronto court this morning, alleges that the NHL writers have a bias against the team and intentionally write storylines that result in their early playoff exits. The team is seeking damages for lost revenue and damage to their reputation. The team is seeking damages in the amount of $500 million dollars, as well as an injunction to prevent the writers from continuing to "willfully and maliciously harm" the Leafs' chances of winning the Stanley Cup. 

"We've tried everything we can think of to break this curse, from changing coaches to bringing in new players, but nothing seems to work," said Leafs general manager Kyle Dubas. "The only explanation is that the league's writers have it out for us. And we're not going to stand for it any longer." 

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman responded to the lawsuit in a press conference this afternoon, calling the Leafs' allegations "baseless and absurd." 

"This is ridiculous," Bettman said in a statement. "The NHL writers have no bias against the Maple Leafs or any other team. They're simply trying to create compelling storylines that will keep fans engaged throughout the playoffs." The Commisioner went on to add that "In fact, this season was intended to be a redemption arc storyline for the Maple Leafs. Unfortunately, the Writers Guild strike means that we are not able to use their script after the first round and have to reuse the plot from last season for the rest of the Playoffs." 

Despite Bettman's dismissal of the lawsuit, the Leafs are standing firm in their determination to hold the league's writers accountable for their continued playoff misfortunes. "We're not backing down on this," said Leafs captain John Tavares. "We're tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes, and we're not going to take it anymore. It's time for the NHL to start treating us with the respect we deserve." 

While the League is doing everything in it's power to shift focus from the ongoing legal battle, the situation is continuing to heat up. Recently the Buffalo Sabres have announced that they will be joining the Leafs in their lawsuit. Whether this marks the beginning of a league-wide rebellion against the writers or just a flash in the pan remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: the NHL playoffs might never be quite the same again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

BREAKING: Jeff Petry is Not Real

By -
Image
The controversy train rolls into Pittsburgh yet again, as news has come out the star defenseman Jeff Petry is reported to be nonexistent. The former Oiler we now see on the Penguins blueline is actually the product of CGI. With motion tracking technology and advanced coding being used to produce a realistic hockey player. Artificial Intelligence, the same kind used in the EA Sports NHL video game series, has been used to evaluate the styles of thousands of hockey players and be able to predict the actions of a star defenseman. This is not the same Petry that fans may have seen in the arena or in press conferences. The on-ice Petry seen on the ice is a paid actor who receives orders from the NHL’s production crew. This crew has had to run a live simulation of the game and see how an AI defenseman plays in certain situations, relay these orders to Petry the actor, and sync up the CGI Petry with the actions of actor Petry, all in real-time. A truly astonishing task. In a recent appearanc
Read more

The end of 'Sid the Kid'?

By -
Image
 In the world of hockey, nicknames are often a part of a player's identity. From "The Great One" to "Super Mario," these monikers stick with players throughout their careers. But what happens when a player outgrows their nickname? That's exactly what's happening with none other than Sidney Crosby, who says has grown increasingly uncomfortable with his long standing nickname "Sid the Kid" as his career has progressed. Sidney Crosby, the Pittsburgh Penguins' superstar, has been a poster child for the NHL ever since he entered the league in 2005, one of the most anticipated debuts in NHL history. But as he reflects on his journey both on and off the ice, Crosby says he feels that "Sid the Kid" no longer accurately describes who he is as a person and as a player. The news was first shared at a press conference following a mandatory pre-season workout where he announced that he wants to go by his full first name and so has found a new
Read more

Are the Flyers really in the playoffs?

By -
Image
The Flyers made it into the NHL playoffs, and it sucks. It's unfortunate when things like this happen, but at least the Bruins also made it so the world has that to look forward to. It would be best if Gary Bettman starts an emergency lockout as soon as possible and award the Stanley Cup to a sloth bear, preferably from British Columbia.
Read more