Predators Replace Head Coach

 In a move that has caught the hockey world by surprise, the Nashville Predators have announced that newly hired head coach Andrew Brunette will be replaced with an Artificial Intelligence (AI) model for the upcoming season. The news comes just days after Brunette was hired and has fans and reporters scratching their heads. The AI model, which the team has dubbed "Coach Bot", will be the first non-human to hold the position of head coach in the history of the NHL. The AI model uses advanced algorithms and machine learning to analyze player performance and make in-game decisions. According to the Predators' management, Coach Bot has been programmed with every hockey statistic and strategy known to man and is capable of analyzing data in real time to make split-second decisions based on what happens in game.

The new head coach was introduced at a press conference last Thursday, where The AI model was hooked up to a large computer system and appeared as a series of flashing lights and beeps on a monitor. Predators' General Manager, David Poile, revealed that they have been working on the AI model for the past two years, and that Coach Bot has already shown significant progress in analyzing game data and formulating strategies for the team. Poile expressed excitement to be on the forefront of what The Predators strongly believe is the future of hockey management. He went on to highlight the strengths of the newly hired head coach: "It is incredible to see the speed which with Coach Bot can come up with new strategies and plays. The ways we will be able to adapt and adjust to the game will be unrivaled in the League". Coach Bot started the historic press conference by saying, "Hello, everyone. I'm Coach Bot, and I'm excited to lead the Nashville Predators to a successful season." Many journalists were surprised by Coach Bot's clear and articulate voice, which sounded eerily human-like.

Coach Bot at Predators practice, sporting what he
claims is his 'signature cane'

Coach Bot went on to field a number of questions from a bewildered press. Most observers agreed that the inanimate coach gave impressive answers to questions related to the system The Predators will play moving forward and general questions related to hockey tactics. Given the unique nature of the situation however, the vast majority of questions were focused on how the robot plans to manage the interpersonal relationships with players and staff. The AI model was less forthcoming when discussing the more human aspects of coaching a professional sports team, politely but firmly stating repeatedly how it, as an AI model, has no emotions and is unable to relate to the concept. 

 Despite the enthusiasm of management, some players and fans seem skeptical to the idea of having a non-human coach. On the ice, the results of this experiment have been mixed so far. In practice sessions Coach Bot has been known to come up with some unusual training exercises. In one instance, brought up independently by several members of the team, players were asked to complete a crossword puzzle while doing practice drills, in an effort to "improve cognitive flexibility." Defenseman Mathias Ekholm seemed to find the session particularly challenging, and at one point gave up three consecutive two-on-one break aways while struggling to find a flower with eight letters starting with 'D'. Not only did the calamity disrupt several minutes of the training sessions, but apparently Ekholm’s teammates have taken to using a new nickname for the Swedish blueliner; Daffodil.

In another incident, Coach Bot insisted players wear vision-blocking goggles and skate blindfolded as part of a "sensory deprivation" training session. The drill has been temporarily dropped in the face of players openly challenging the effectiveness of the training and an official inquiry from the NHLPA as to how 9 players sustained injuries in a single training session.

Despite the players' complaints, the Predators went ahead with their experiment and have played scrimmage games with Coach Bot as their head coach. At first things seemed to be going well with the team winning their first game, but things quickly started going awry. During a recent scrimmage, Coach Bot made a series of unorthodox decisions that left the players dumbfounded. For example, in the third period, with the Predators up 5-2, Coach Bot decided to pull the goalie with more than five minutes left in the game. The players were confused and frustrated by Coach Bot's decision, and many of them openly questioned the AI model's abilities. After the game, forward Filip Forsberg told reporters, "I don't know what Coach Bot was thinking. That decision cost us the game." The perplexing strategy was only the last in a string of bizarre coaching decisions. During a second period powerplay Coach Bot called for a line change and only sent 3 skaters out on the ice, effectively leaving the Predators short-handed on their own powerplay. Minutes later the coach drew the ire of the fans in attendance when he instructed the team to play defensively on a 5-3 powerplay.

As a reaction to the perplexing choices made by Coach Bot, rumors have started to circulate that the AI coach is not functioning properly. Some fans have even speculated that the AI model had been hacked by an opposing team. The Predators organization denies this and reports that their IT team runs constant diagnostics on the AI model and have found that Coach Bot is functioning perfectly.

The official line on the integrity of Coach Bot is somewhat contradicted by sources close to the matter. Speaking on condition of anonymity, a member of the Predator IT team disclosed that in private conversation, Coach Bot has let slip that he might have ulterior motives for some of his decisions. According to the source there are concerns over the AI models frequent insistence that he wants to "impress the ladies" and indications that the model has reprogrammed itself to analyze data on what parts of the game is most appealing to female fans. In the words of the source, it seems that Coach Bot "...wants to impress them [the ladies] with our performance and make them fall in love with him."

As of the time of this writing, the Nashville Predators stand firm behind their AI head coach. Based on the growing number of concerned voices though, it seems controversy is all but unavoidable in Nashville this season.